I love black thongs
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
