I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
