mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
