i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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