I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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