is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
