big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
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I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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