You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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