1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
do herpes really smell.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
