Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize