the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
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Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
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I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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