then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
