it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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