do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Randomize
