So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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