you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
