Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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