I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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