First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
