HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
