whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
