Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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