tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
3 2 1 whiskey
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
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