I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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