I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
