I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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