Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
