he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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