I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Randomize
