i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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