I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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