I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
