well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
