I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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