Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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