You just made me feel so damn special
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
