I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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