every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize