We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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