i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
