Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
