I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you win again, gameday.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
