Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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