Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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