I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I currently don't understand fingers.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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