There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
