bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
