I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
