i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
