Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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