U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
