he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
