fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I am naked and annoyed.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
