I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
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Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
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I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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