we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
