I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
