How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
