i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
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I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
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Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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