Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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