btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
