dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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