I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
