the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
