How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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