You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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