Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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