I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
