all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
