My hair reeks of homosexuality.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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