i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
