Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
nutella sex= disaster
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
