i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
