i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
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Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
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I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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