Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
they're like a gay fantastic four
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
