i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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