dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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