She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
