im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
