Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
